Weight gain is a sensitive subject for most people. In fact, it is considered rude to point out that someone has gained weight. But what are you supposed to do if said someone is your husband or wife? How are you supposed to tell your spouse that his/her weight is affecting your married life together? It goes without saying that such a conversation requires a lot of tact and sensitivity.”

Couple walking ” (CC BY 2.0) by  donjd2 

What Not to Say

It may not seem like it, but your partner probably knows that he/she has gained weight. Therefore, it is important not to act like what you are saying is some kind of revelation. Saying “you’ve put on weight,” is the absolute worst way to start the conversation because it makes your spouse feel like they have to defend themselves.

Timing is another important factor to consider when you are broaching the subject of weight gain to your wife or husband. Saying “you shouldn’t be eating that”, “haven’t you had enough” or pretty much anything that has to do with weight gain when your partner is enjoying a meal is an awful way to bring up your concerns. It implies judgment and can negatively impact other aspects of your married life.

Another thing that you should not do is bring up loss of physical attraction or lack of intimacy in marriage. The last thing that your spouse wants to hear is that you are no longer attracted to them or that they are the cause of your intimacy issues.

What to Say

One subtle way to bring up the issue of weight gain is to not mention weight at all and instead ask your spouse how they are feeling and whether or not they are okay. The reason this works is because weight gain is often tied to emotional issues such as low self-esteem, frustration and depression. Dealing with the underlying emotional issues first makes it a lot easier to deal with the issue of weight gain.

Another neat trick is to turn the issue into a “we” problem. Instead of pointing the finger at your wife or husband, suggest that you both start eating healthier and working out. Your spouse will probably figure out that this was more about them than you, but they’ll appreciate that you are willing to accompany them on their journey to health.

If your spouse has been eating right and staying active but he/she is still gaining weight, you could suggest a medical evaluation. This helps to eliminate the possibility of a hidden medical problem such as chemical or hormonal imbalance.

Weight gain can cause a lot of issues in married life such as lack of physical attraction and intimacy, loss of self esteem, a general lack of passion for life and serious health problems. For this reasons, you can’t afford to ignore it. You just have to be tactful about how you bring it up.