Nearly every couple on earth has argued about household chores at one point or another. In fact, one of the most common complaints that wives have about their husbands is that they sometimes treat them like maids.

This usually means that the husbands leave all the housework to their wives while they sit on the couch and relax. They wait to be asked for help instead of offering to help on their own.

The saddest part about this is that most husbands don’t know how much anger and resentment their wives feel towards them due to this issue. If asked, they would probably vehemently deny that they have ever treated their wives like maids and begin pointing how much they help with household chores.

It Takes Time

After a couple of heated conversations about household chores, most wives usually give up and resign themselves to doing most of the chores. However, the issue keeps simmering in the background until it boils over.

What married couples need to realize is that it takes time to come to an agreement regarding the division of household chores. One conversation isn’t going to be enough to iron out all your differences; it has to be an ongoing conversation.

How you divide household chores between yourselves will also change multiple times over the course of your marriage. As your responsibilities within and outside of the home change, you’ll need to adjust the amount of household work each of you does accordingly.

How to Have a Civil Conversation about Household Chores

How you bring up the issue of household chores to your husband can make or break the entire conversation. First of all, it goes without saying that you cannot let the word “maid” escape your lips. Telling your husband that he treats you like a maid or that he is inconsiderate or unfair will immediately make him defensive and cause more marital problems. It also goes without saying that you shouldn’t broach the issue when you are angry.

It’s best to begin by telling him how much you appreciate what he does within and outside the home. Tell him how his contributions have made a difference in the day-to-day functioning of your home and to your married life.

After complementing him, point out two or three more chores that you need help with. Be assertive but not aggressive. If your husband is resistant, you might need to bring out a list of all the tasks that need to be done so that he can have a clear idea of just how much work there is. If he doesn’t like the chores you suggested, ask him to pick two or three more chores to add to his list of chores. He’ll probably be more open to doing chores that he picked for himself.

Household chores are a hot topic in most marriages and a major source of conflict and marital problems. However, as long as a couple remains patient and keep working on finding on the right balance, they will eventually get to a point where they are more happy than sad with the way the chores are split.