Why Marriages Fail: Love Turns Into Indifference
Marriages can survive most marital problems including broken trust, lack of communication, constant fighting, money problems and more, but one of the little known reasons why marriages fail is indifference.
The old adage goes that the opposite of love isn’t hate, it’s indifference. While hate and anger are not positive emotions, they show that you care and want your spouse to know exactly how you feel. Indifference on the other hand says “I don’t care enough to give you my time and energy.”
Indifference can be extremely deceiving. There are no heated arguments and communication is shallow but civil, which is why most couples don’t see it as a problem until it is too late.
What Causes Indifference in Marriage
Marriage requires constant care. When you stop working on your marriage, you slip into a state of indifference – which is difficult to come back from.
Indifference in marriage can also be the result of hidden hurt and resentment. It is easy not to care or feel anything when your feelings and emotions are buried under a lot of hurt. Some people even use indifference to get back at their partners for hurting them. It’s their way of saying “why should I care if you don’t.” The trouble with this is that they gradually eventually become too good at not caring.
Dealing with Indifference in Marriage
The first step to dealing with indifference in marriage is talking about it. If you are going to pull your marriage out of the rut, both of you have to acknowledge that there is a problem. You won’t get far if you are the only one who thinks there is a problem; it is why marriages fail.
One way to help your spouse realize that there is a problem is to remind them of the good times. Remind them that marriage doesn’t have to be so boring and unexciting.
Once you have acknowledged that there is a problem, try to get to the root of the indifference. Figure out what hidden hurt or resentment is overwhelming the positive feelings and emotions. Some couples are able to do this on their own while others need the help of a counselor. Deal with the underlying hurt and resentment and your positive feelings will begin to resurface.
Ultimately, the only way to go from an unhappy marriage where indifference is the norm to a happy and exciting marriage is by putting in work. The reason why marriages fail is because spouses are too apathetic to work on their marriages.