Communication in Marriage: Communicating Your Needs to Your Spouse
Every wife or husband has implicit expectations of their spouse. They have a set of standards that they, consciously or unconsciously, use to determine whether their spouse is meeting their needs.
Unfortunately, some people are not very good at communication in marriage, and they do not realize that they need to communicate these expectations, needs and marriage goals with their spouses. They just sort of assume that they are on the same page despite never having discussed it.
Getting your needs met
The easiest way to get your needs met in your marriage and avoid feelings of resentment from unfulfilled needs is to be direct with your spouse. You can’t fault your husband or wife for not meeting your needs when you haven’t taken the time to tell them what those needs are.
Communicating your needs to a partner can be tricky even in a happy marriage. You need to be careful about how and when you bring it up. First of all, your tone should not be angry or accusatory because this will only cause things to escalate. Secondly, timing is very important. Pick a time when both of you are relaxed and able to have a discussion without distractions.
After sharing your needs with your partner, encourage them to share their needs as well. If they do choose to share something with you, be attentive and validate their feelings. Thank them for opening up to you.
Just because you have to ask for it doesn’t make it less valuable
The reason why some people don’t communicate their needs to their partners is because they believe asking for something makes it less valuable. They don’t want their partners to do something because they told them to; they want them to do it because they want to.
If you struggle with this, keep in mind that just because your wife or husband didn’t think of something first doesn’t mean it is not a valuable expression of love and commitment. In fact, the fact that they are willing to change their behavior just to make you happy makes the gesture more valuable.
Also, keep in mind that just because you asked for it doesn’t mean that you’ll get it. The goal here is to have open communication in marriage not to coerce your partner into doing what you want.