Ever wondered why most advice for newlyweds encourages couples to work on their communication, conflict resolution and emotional intelligence? Well, it is because these skills are absolutely critical to surviving the first year of marriage.

Couples should begin learning and working on these skills before marriage, preferably during premarital counseling. It’s more difficult for a couple to learn these skills when they are married and already experiencing marital problems.

Essential skills for newlywed couples

Communication in marriage

Communication is the most important skill in marriage. If you want a happy marriage, you need to learn how to talk to your spouse tactfully and listen to them in a way that makes them feel validated. Nothing causes marital problems like constant criticism, complaining, defensiveness or dismissing your spouse’s opinions. Your goal should be to get to a place where you can have a conversation about touchy subjects, such as money and in-laws, without getting into an argument.

Emotional Intelligence

Any good advice for newlyweds will tell you that the first year of marriage is an emotional roller coaster. You need emotional intelligence to survive it. It is perfectly fine to have and express your emotions but you should never let them overcome you.  Being overcome by emotions clouds the “logical” part of your brain and hinders your ability to make rational decisions.

When you find yourself in an emotionally charged situation within marriage, it helps to disengage for a while and calm down. But don’t just walk away. Let your spouse know that you need to take some time to calm down before you can have a productive conversation.

Conflict resolution

Conflict is inevitable in marriage. You and your spouse are unique individuals with different personalities and this creates numerous opportunities for conflict. Small issues such as “what movie you should see during the weekend” can cause just as much conflict as big issues such as finances if you do not have good conflict resolution skills.

As a couple, you have to find a way of going from his-way and her-way to our-way. You need to get to a place where you can compromise and reach resolutions promptly without dragging out conflicts for days.

According to most advice for newlyweds, the three most essential skills in marriage are communication, conflict resolution and emotional intelligence.  Therefore, if you want a happy marriage, you need to start working on improving these three skills today!