Confidentiality is an essential part of any healthy relationship. Consistent communication in relationships can only occur when both parties feel comfortable enough to share their innermost selves with each other. In marriage, any confidential information that is shared between spouses must be guarded like a treasure. Sharing this information with a third party is not only dishonorable, but it can also destroy trust and communication in the marriage. If you must confide in someone, speak to a neutral third party such as a marriage counselor or a member of the clergy. These people can teach you how to save your relationship without judging you or your spouse.

The Case for Confidentiality in Marriage

There are many ways in which sharing confidential information from your marriage with a third party can go terribly wrong. They include:

• Losing control of the information – Once you relay confidential information to a third party, you lose control of who gets the information. You never know whom the third party will choose to share that information with. In fact, you risk becoming the topic of discussion among your friends and family which is not only embarrassing but it can also make your marital issues worse.
• Betraying your spouse – You should never speak ill of your spouse to a third party, even when you are upset. If you do and your spouse finds out, he or she will feel betrayed.  Before you share something, think about how your spouse would feel if it got back to him or her.
• Blowing the issue out of proportion – Venting to others about your marriage problems can turn minor issues into major problems. Your loved ones may sound an alarm to others and enlist them to come to your rescue. Before you know it, your family will be having an intervention for you.
• Losing your objectivity – Your well being is your friends’ and family’s primary concern. Therefore, they will most likely agree with your one-sided view of the problem. This may make you feel good but it may also cause you to lose your objectivity on the issue. It also won’t solve your problems.
• Vilifying your spouse – If you are constantly panting a negative picture of your spouse in the minds of your loved ones, they will grow to resent him. This picture will be hard to erase even after you have resolved your issues with your spouse and you have a healthy relationship. The third parties may also confront your spouse on your behalf in an attempt to defend you or make comments that might hinder your reconciliation with your spouse.

What Not To Share

• Your finances should remain confidential between you and your spouse. This includes information about how much your spouse makes and the amount of debt you have.  The last thing you want is for your friends to start judging how you live and how you spend your money.
• Your sex life is private. Your friends and family have no business knowing the details of this intimate part of your marriage. If you need advice, speak to a counselor.
• What your spouse says about your friends is private. If your husband confesses that he does not like one of your close friends, don’t tell your friend. This will only lead to bad blood between them and you may be forced to let one of them go.

To enjoy a healthy relationship and happy marriage you must be willing to maintain confidentially.  Women may struggle with this more than men because they like to talk about their problems. The best way around this is to speak to an appropriate third party such as a marriage counselor or a member of the clergy.