Relationship Tips for a Happy Marriage Part 49: Mentoring
Do you and your spouse have couple friends?
As a couple, it is important to be around positive influences such as other married couples who have been together for a long time and continue to maintain a strong and happy relationship. These couples can mentor you on how to raise a Christian family in modern day society.
Marriage mentorship, if done right, can be more effective than counseling in solving marital disputes. This maybe because 82 percent of all couples would rather be mentored by another couple than speak to a couple’s counselor.
Do you need marriage mentoring?
Your marriage doesn’t have to be in trouble for you to get mentors. You can begin a mentoring relationship even before you get married.
Experienced married couples help to provide a positive perspective of Christian marriage. This is especially important in today’s world where marriage is constantly getting a bad rap. Pick mentors who have the kind of relationship that you aspire to. Just like you wouldn’t take financial advice from someone who is bankrupt, don’t take advice from couples that are miserable in their marriages.
Mentors are also a good source of practical marriage advice. Through mentorship, you can learn what has worked in their marriage and what hasn’t and save yourself a lot of heartache.
Even when you encounter unique situations that your mentors haven’t encountered before, they will help put things in perspective. This helps you to identify your role in relationship problems and keeps you from placing all the blame on your significant other.
Common misconceptions about marriage mentoring
There is a common misconception that mentor couples have to be older. This isn’t true. The last thing you want is for your mentor couple to see your relationship as an adult – child relationship.
Go for married couples that are more experienced than you are but still view you as adults. For instance, a couple may have only been married for 5 years but if they have been dating since high school, they may have a lot more relationship experience than you. Bottom line, pick a couple that you like, respect and would like to emulate.
Keep in mind that there are no perfect couples. Therefore do not expect the couple that you pick to have a perfect relationship. Marriage is a learning process and we are all still learning.
Your mentors will not have answers to all your relationship issues. This is because different people experience marriage differently. Sometimes, the best they can do for you is tell you where to look for answers.
Similarly, don’t expect your mentor to just begin teaching you stuff. Remember there is no marriage mentoring curriculum so make the best of it. Ask questions that can result in learning moments. However, take every piece of advice with a pinch of salt and only apply it to your marriage if you think it is useful. After all, you cannot hold a mentor responsible for their teachings.