Do Not Share Your Marriage Problems With Your Friends Unless…
Do not share your marriage problems with your friends unless… they pass the three tests I am about to share in this post.
If your marriage is in trouble, then you know how difficult it is to find someone you can trust.
This is why married people often feel isolated and alone in their marriage problems. And, to make it even worse, sometimes when you are having marriage problems, your partner is the last person you want to talk to (even though he or she is the first person with whom you should be discussing these matters).
So, where can you turn? Or do you decide to live with the pain by keeping things bottled up inside?
Truth is there are many people with whom you can discuss your marriage situation. You do not have to shoulder this burden alone.
But this is where the trouble starts. In most cases, many married people seek help by asking for marriage advice from a close friend.
If you choose to do this, then your friend must pass these three tests:
1) Is it likely that you will feel better after talking to them – or do you feel in your heart that you will regret it?
2) Are they a sympathetic person or indifferent? Being overly-sympathetic is not good either, in my opinion.
3) Are you absolutely certain that they will keep things confidential or are they known for revealing what others tell them?
Number 3 is so important. If someone has betrayed your confidence in the past then it is highly unlikely they will keep your details private now.
Realistically, the best you can hope for from a friend or family member is a sympathetic ear. Most likely they are not qualified to give marriage advice like a certified marriage counselor can. But, they can give you a different perspective on your marriage problems.
Before you talk to a friend or family member about your marriage problems, let your partner know what you intend to do. If your partner learns that you shared the intimate details of your marriage with a friend without talking to him or her first, then he or she may become really angry. And this could further aggravate your marriage problems.
If the marriage advice you received from your friends and family is not working, then it is time to see a marriage counselor (you should see a marriage counselor anyway, I think).
Some couples claim that it is just too expensive to go to a marriage counselor. But if you think going to a marriage counselor is expensive then I have news for you, divorce costs so much more, and I am not just talking about money.
So do yourself a favor. Find a counselor that both you and your spouse can trust. If your partner is less eager to save the marriage, you might have to compromise when it comes to choosing a counselor. Fact is, it will be easier for you to save the marriage if your partner likes the marriage counselor.
If you are religious e.g. a Christian, you may want to seek marriage advice from a marriage counselor within your religious community. In the event that you and your spouse have different religious beliefs, you may consider going along with your partner’s choice. Remember, you want them to feel positive about the whole experience.
If you want to succeed in your attempt to save the marriage, and you have decided to seek relationship advice from a close friend, then please make sure that they at least pass these three tests.