Is it possible to heal a marriage after an affair has occurred?

Can trust and love be restored?

These questions are on the lips of many married people who have experienced the heart-rending pain of infidelity.

Truth is, although it will be difficult, the wonderful news is that healing is possible, and the relationship can be restored.

Here are three main steps that promote healing and restoration after an affair:

1) Establish Honesty.

To be successful in restoring your relationship, and healing your marriage after an affair, then you must make honesty the foundation of your relationship. Period.

But listen to this, though.

Contrary to popular belief, honesty doesn’t necessarily mean sharing everything with your spouse.

What?!?

Hear me out.

If questions arise that you prefer not to answer, then it is okay to say so. But whatever you do, DO NOT lie about the question because when the truth comes out later on, you will have a hard time re-establishing trust with your spouse.

Similarly, if, as the spouse who has been betrayed, there are things you would rather not know about, then say so. Many times the “victim” of the affair tends to ask for far too many details from the cheating spouse.

Although it is okay to discuss some aspects after the affair, it is not okay to obsess over the details. When you are facing infidelity in marriage, it is usually better to avoid the physical details of the affair. Such knowledge may be detrimental.

If you feel you really must know these details, then wait a while before asking your spouse. When you ask, let him or her know exactly what you want to know. Otherwise, they may end up giving you ‘too much information’.

2) Rebuild Trust.

This is the second step of healing marital infidelity. It goes hand-in-hand with the first step.

Once you have established honesty in your relationship, rebuilding trust is next – and is the natural outcome of honesty.

You must be able to trust your partner as much as you trust yourself. Doubt and disbelief compromise the restoration process and make it impossible to re-establish full trust.

If you are having a hard time rebuilding trust after the affair, then go see a marriage counselor. In fact, you should probably do this anyway.

3. Move On.

At some point you have to leave the tragic past of betrayal behind and get on with your marriage.

Listen: The only thing that is constant in life is change. This means that even a cheating spouse can change – and many of them have the heart-felt desire to do so.

If you choose to remain in the marriage, you cannot continue to bring up the past affair(s) every time you have a disagreement with your spouse.

If you do, then you will drive your wife or husband away.

Lastly, planning for the future is an important part of moving on. Though such plans don’t have to be very elaborate you still need to establish whether both of you are on the same page in terms of what you expect from the marriage.

If you share a sense of unity with your spouse and have pledged to meet the needs of each other, then an affair will be the last thing on your minds. Working together as a team to restore the marriage, is the real secret to healing after an affair.