Restoring Your Marital Contentment

As I begin this post on marital contentment I’d like to ask you a question, how contented are you with your marriage?

The reason I ask is because nowadays it’s difficult to find marriages where both spouses seem satisfied with their level of marital contentment.

The number of couples complaining about their marriage seems to be rising. And although there are many reasons for this, here are a few I’ve heard:

• One spouse is burdened with household responsibilities and feels the other isn’t pulling his or her weight.
• One spouse is dealing with significant career stress and feels the other doesn’t support him/her enough.
• They might be unhappy with their house and/or its location.
• They have conflicting points of view on how to manage their finances, parenting or religion.
• The wife might feel as if her husband neglects her and her needs.
• The husband feels his wife doesn’t take an interest in him, his work, or how he feels.

These are only a few common reasons often pointed out by couples as to why their relationship lacks marital contentment.

Marital discontent and dissatisfaction shouldn’t be taken lightly because each spouse runs the risk of reaching a point where they feel as if their friendship is slipping away and  feelings of romance begin growing cold.

Some couples might try to remedy this situation with physical intimacy but be surprised to discover that not only does it not cure the hostility which has been triggered by the almost daily disputes they seem to face, but it can even make things worse in some situations!

Sometimes the relationship is so stressed by marital discontent that even going on a trip together can be a burden.

Not really knowing what to do, many couples will attempt to “endure” the situation giving up any hope of finding marital contentment. So they might use television to distract them from the pain, or turn to such things as alcohol, work, or affairs.

But that path only increases feelings of tension, neglect and isolation; marital contentment becomes a fleeting wish.

As depressing as this might sound, please take heart, my friend. You can turn things around! I’ve seen it happen in many marriages.

Even if communication is very difficult or seemingly non-existent, marital contentment can be restored. Lost romance can be found. And you can restore the friendship you so deeply miss.

Here a three things you can do:

1. If your marriage is in the situation we’ve described in this post, then consider finding a capable Christian marriage counselor immediately. Don’t wait. Ignoring the situation in the hopes that it will  fix itself DOESN’T WORK. So take action now.

2. The second thing you can do is to sit down together and each make a list of the challenges you feel you’re facing in the marriage. Don’t complain as this triggers defensiveness and you won’t get anywhere. Exchange lists and start talking. Communicate your feelings and views about the challenges and discuss how both of you can address these issue so as to stop hurting each other and begin to restore marital contentment.

Also, during your meeting with each other, make a list of the things/traits that you really like or absolutely love about your spouse. You might be amazed at how this one simple thing might have the power in itself to start turning things around.

3. Finally, discuss all of the possibilities both of you can do to improve and increase your marital contentment. If you have a long list, then start with just one or two things so you don’t become overwhelmed and give up altogether.

Give each other a week to start making the changes you agreed upon and then meet again to discuss how you both feel things are going.

Actually, the first step of discussing your concerns is also the first step to restoring the contentment in your marriage. So adjust, adapt and keep going. Don’t give up. Stay the course. Marital contentment can be yours again!