One of the secrets to a happy marriage is to never stop working on being a better wife or husband. Here are some marriage tips to help you do that.

Allow yourself to be vulnerable

People want to be liked by others.  In fact, one of the most common fears is the fear of not being liked. It prevents people from opening up and revealing their true self to others – including their spouses.

There is a false sense of security that comes from being able to how your partner sees you. However, you cannot be truly connected to your spouse or achieve a high level of intimacy unless you’re willing to be completely vulnerable and allow yourself to be known.

Being truly vulnerable with your spouse means exposing all parts of your personality to your partner – even those that you think they may not like, and sharing your deepest thoughts, hopes, dreams and fears with them. It also means constantly challenging any fears and self defeating thoughts about being vulnerable such as the fear of rejection.

Be nice!

This is probably one of the most peculiar marriage tips you have come across but you wouldn’t believe how many married couples need to be reminded of this. Research shows that the happiest married couples have five positive interactions to every negative interaction. It’s the magic ratio to a happy marriage!

Making a conscious effort to be nice to your spouse as often as you can is a great way to ensure that you share more positive interactions with your spouse than negative ones.

Some of the nice things that you can do to improve your ratio include:

• Paying more attention to your spouse and truly listening to them when they speak as opposed to nodding absent mindedly.
• Showing care and concern for your spouse. For instance, if they seem worried about something, offer a listening year or simply a hug – if your spouse is not ready to talk about it.
• Being appreciative of your spouse and complimenting them more often.
• Showing affection more often. Simple things such as holding hands, sitting together while watching TV or helping with the chores can go a long way in increasing the number of positive interactions you have with your spouse.

Work on your bad / annoying habits

Are there some things that you do that annoy your spouse? They may not necessarily be bad habits but as long as they annoy your spouse, you may want to put some effort into changing them.

Nothing says “I don’t care” like failing to make an effort to change habits that your spouse has told you they find annoying. Even if you feel some of your spouse’s requests are unreasonable – such as them asking you to stop humming a particular song because they find it annoying –making your spouse more comfortable is a good enough reason to alter your behavior.

If your spouse is the one with the annoying habits, work on ignoring the annoyances and focusing more on the good. Maybe your spouse does not clean up after him/herself or is irritable in the morning but if he/she is a good husband or a good wife overall he/she deserves a pass once in a while.

Although these two marriage tips seem to conflict, if your spouse puts effort towards changing their behavior and you put effort towards ignoring the annoying habits, you’ll both be a lot happier.