How often do you make disrespectful judgments toward your spouse?

It’s a tough question, but a vital one.

A disrespectful judgment is when we judge or condemn our partner’s motives, words, or actions — even if it’s only implied.

It doesn’t always come out as yelling or harshness. Sometimes it shows up in the tone of your voice, a dismissive look, or silent frustration that goes unspoken but deeply felt.

The Quiet Damage of a Love Buster

When we consistently judge or criticize our spouse — even subtly — we become what Dr. Willard Harley calls a Love Buster:

Someone whose actions either harm or diminish love.

Think about that for a second…

How much would you enjoy being in a long-term relationship with someone who constantly judges or doubts your motives?

Not much, right?

So here’s the more personal question:
How often am I the love buster in my marriage?

• How often do I condemn my spouse’s words, actions, or motives?
• How often do I jump to conclusions or criticize instead of understanding?
• How often do I entertain judgmental thoughts, even if I don’t speak them aloud?

The “Parent-Child” Trap

Disrespectful judgments slowly shift a marriage into what’s known as a parent-child dynamic, where one partner takes on the role of the “superior” or “correcting” voice, and the other is treated like a child who needs fixing.

That’s not love.
That’s not partnership.
And that’s definitely not what you want in your marriage.

Let’s be honest: the last thing anyone wants is to feel like they’re married to their parent.

Want to Learn More?

Dr. Harley from Marriage Builders has excellent resources on this concept of Love Busters.
If this is hitting close to home for you (as it does for most of us at some point), it’s worth digging in a little deeper.

Your Challenge for the Week

Let’s make this practical.

Pick one day this week where you intentionally avoid judging or condemning your spouse in any way…not even in your thoughts.

Choose a day:
Today? Tomorrow? This weekend?

Got it? Good.

Now, make this commitment:

“On that day, I will not criticize, judge, or condemn my spouse. If I feel the urge, I’ll redirect it by identifying something positive about them instead.”

It’s one day. One small shift. But it can begin changing the emotional tone of your marriage in a big way.

What Will You Choose?

You can be a builder of love in your relationship, not a buster.

And it starts with the quiet, intentional choice to replace judgment with grace.What day will you choose?