What does it take for a marriage to be healthy, happy, and endure?

For starters, it takes getting rid of the whole “marriage is a contract between two consenting adults” idea. 

Marriage isn’t a 50/50 commitment between two people.  

Marriage is a sacred union of two people who choose to become one. 

Marriage isn’t a “nice” idea; it’s a covenant in which both people pledge an oath to give 100/100.

Everywhere you look, there are books, magazines, webinars, seminars, and blog posts (much like this) on how to have a happy, healthy, non-toxic, drama-free marriage. 

Whаt аrе thе real secrets оf а healthy, happy marriage that stands the test of time and weathers the storms of life? Here are five for your consideration.

Five Secrets For а Healthy, Successful, and HAPPY Marriage

Love

This is so basic and cliched that it’s almost too embarrassing to mention: Love is a secret to a healthy, successful, and happy marriage. 

Love endures.

Love forgives.

Love overlooks.

Love is the fire that melts two hearts into one, shielding and protecting them within the refuge of marital compassion, faithfulness, and grace.

An authentic marriage can survive without riches, comforts, and luxuries, but it won’t survive without love. 

Sadly, for some, marriage has eroded into a transactional arrangement where both people enter into a contract to get something from each other; love isn’t a part of the scenario. They marry for status, power, companionship, new experiences, or money. 

We’re not talking about that here. We’re talking about true love between two people.  

Love is the foundation upon which a healthy and happy marriage endures. True love that is selfless, forgiving, ever-hopeful, and sees the best in each other, creates blissfulness. 

Communication

Communication is a two-way street in which both partners sincerely seek to understand each other. 

Communication is an expression, words, body language, tone of voice, and the emotional environment that all of those things work together to create.  

How you say something or touch your spouse speaks volumes. 

Communication demonstrates to what degree you love and care for your partner; it conveys your interest in them AND the relationship and how much they matter to you. 

A marriage cannot endure without communication.

Companionship

Companionship is about enjoying your partner’s company and interaction; it’s sharing life. They are your best friend. You’d rather spend time with them than anyone else. 

However, companionship doesn’t mean you lose your identity or individuality. 

Yes, in marriage, “me” becomes “we.” But you are adding who and what you are to the richness of your partner’s life, and vice-versa. 

Companionship is about sharing interests you both enjoy (not blindly enduring something you dread), enjoying each other, and supporting each other’s likes, dreams, and pursuits in whаtеvеr way уоu саn.

Companionship is enjoying each other’s company and presence without forcing your partner to give up who they are as a person and conform to your world. 

Keep Emotional Intimacy Kindled

Many couples get used to each other as the years wear on – and not in a good way. 

The relationship loses its sparkle.

The flame of romance dims.

Interest in each other wanes.

Feelings of appreciation and attraction are replaced by feelings of being taken for granted and certain assumptions. 

We let ourselves go and stop trying.

Having and settling for a passionless marriage that lacks emotional intimacy is a choice.

Happy couples keep the passion kindled by constantly reinventing their relationship. They do new things. They explore. They stay connected throughout the day through calls, texts (flirty texts), or notes, to name a few. 

Healthy couples in happy relationships maintain and sustain their emotional connection, which results in an ongoing satisfying physical connection. 

Keeping romance alive means, you make each other your first priority. 

You don’t let work responsibilities or the cares of daily life elbow your partner out of your life.  

It’s up to you to keep the flame of love and romance kindled daily. Feeling follows action, so don’t wait to “feel like” it before doing it.

Infuse а bit оf life into уоur marriage!

Don’t let things get dull. 

Don’t let romance and passion plateau. 

When you first met, you marketed yourself to your partner. You know everything you did to capture their heart and interest. Why did you stop?

Never stop marketing yourself to your partner. Being with them is a privilege. 

It’s one of life’s harsh realities that just because you “caught” someone doesn’t mean they will stay with you.

Yes, you can do all the right things and be the best partner on the planet, and your spouse may still leave. However, that’s on them, not you. So don’t let that fear keep you from living your best life and being the absolute best partner you’re capable of being.

Do something this week to keep the emotional, and physical romance kindled. 

Ego

Lose the egos; that’s what happy couples do. They forgive fast and make up even faster. They don’t compete; being right isn’t their most important thing. 

Marriage cannot survive ego-driven spouses.

Who cares if one spouse is more successful or makes more money than the other? When one wins, both win!

Ego-related issues fuel arguments, conflict, jealousy, insecurity, and fears. The ego seeks to assert dominance and control. 

There’s no place for control, dominance, or manipulation in a marriage. 

Lose the ego and put your partner first. 

Love, trust, and communication should go a long way in putting ego-related issues to bed. 

Keep Physical Intimacy Kindled

We’ve already touched on this a little bit. 

But physical intimacy plays a significant role in keeping spouses close and connected. 

Think about it. Physical intimacy shows your spouse that you’re attracted to them, want them, accept them, and desire sexual intimacy with them.

A lack of physical intimacy communicates disinterest, indifference, and rejection.  

Sometimes a bad situation that’s only getting worse can be turned around by swallowing our pride, taking our partner in our arms, looking them in the eye, and saying, “I love you… you crazy, crazy human!!”

Unresolved conflict, whether real or imagined, will lurk in the corner of the mind, festering and growing, multiplying like a virus that will resurface at a later point doing even more damage. 

For some couples, it lasts for months, even years – years pass by without a touch, a hug, or any meaningful affection or sexual intimacy. And during that time, they pull apart and disconnect physically and emotionally. 

That’s not a marriage; it’s a prison sentence. 

A marriage will not survive emotional and physical isolation. 

To maintain physical intimacy, resolve conflict asap. Additionally, appreciate your partner and the small things they do to add happiness and joy to your life; express your gratitude. Make the first move and shower them with words of affection, followed by physical affection, give them your time, and do nice things for them for no other reason than to add to their happiness. 

Final Words…

Infusing your marriage with this warm, selfless, humble, generous, and loving energy will deepen and protect the bond you share with your partner.  

Start with love. Perhaps you need to fall in love all over again; enlist the help of a marriage counselor if needed. Your marriage is worth it.

Next, plan special things that encourage togetherness; enjoy companionship. 

Communicate – have conversations with each other instead of talking at each other. 

Rekindle emotional and physical affection and intimacy with words, comments, and touch; create an accepting, nurturing, supportive, and loving environment where it’s safe to be vulnerable; celebrate each other!  

Lastly, lose the ego. Don’t compete with your spouse for the spotlight; when one wins, both win. And don’t dominate the marriage through control, manipulation, or being the victim or martyr. Deal with any underlying causes of those issues with a qualified therapist or counselor. 

Begin unlocking (or restoring) your best marriage with these not-so-secret secrets for creating lasting love and happiness.