You could be sabotaging your marriage and not even realize it — even while your heart is fully set on saving it.

How?

Through power and control.

It might not be intentional. It might even come from a place of fear, frustration, or desperation to fix what feels broken. But when power and control start to dominate the dynamics of a relationship, the damage is real — and often invisible until it’s too late.

Power and control are often at the root of emotional, physical, and even spiritual abuse. A healthy, lasting marriage isn’t built on those things — it’s built on love and respect.

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The Deepest Needs in Marriage

At the core of every strong marriage is this simple truth:

• Men need respect.
• Women need love.

It’s not that women don’t need respect or that men don’t want love — they do. But these are the primary emotional needs that drive the health of the relationship.

Unfortunately, what happens in many marriages is a destructive cycle that spins out of unmet needs.

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When Love Is Missing

When a wife isn’t feeling loved by her husband, she may go into what feels like attack mode — criticizing, pleading, confronting, or emotionally escalating. Deep down, she’s not trying to control her husband. What she’s really saying is:

“I have a need for love that only YOU can meet.”

But to her husband, her behavior often feels like disrespect. And so, he reacts in the only way that seems honorable — he shuts down, withdraws, or walks away. He needs space to cool off. But to his wife, that looks cold and unloving.

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When Respect Is Missing

When a husband pulls away or responds with emotional distance, what he’s often trying to express is:

“I have a need for respect that only YOU can meet.”

But his actions — silence, avoidance, harshness — come across as profoundly unloving to his wife.

So, she presses harder. He withdraws further. And the cycle continues.

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The Crazy Cycle: Love vs. Respect

This cycle of unmet needs is something we’ve talked about often — and one of the most popular episodes of Mad About Marriage dives deep into this very topic. It’s called Love & Respect, and it’s been a game-changer for many couples.

🎥 Watch the full episode here — it’s only 22 minutes:
👉 Love and Respect Episode

It’s a short investment of time that could completely shift how you view your marriage — and how you communicate with your spouse.

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The Bottom Line

Most marriage problems don’t start with major betrayals. They start with emotional misunderstandings — unmet needs that spiral into frustration, disconnection, and hurt.

If you feel stuck in a place where love and respect are missing in your relationship, take heart: you’re not alone. But don’t stay stuck. Start the journey toward healing today.

👉 Take 20 minutes to watch the episode.
👉 Share it with your spouse.
👉 Begin the conversation that could change everything.Your marriage is worth it.