What happens when you love your spouse, but the passion is gone? Can the marriage survive? 

When it comes to passion and marriage, if a couple only looks for companionship and nothing more, then a lack of romance and passion isn’t a deal breaker. A lack of passion doesn’t mean an absence of love.

But if one spouse expects romance and passion in the relationship but the other doesn’t, the marriage is in trouble. 

Keeping romance alive in your relationship must be an ongoing priority for a happy, fulfilling marriage.  

Having a romantic, passionate marriage just doesn’t happen. That’s great news because it means you’re in charge of how passionate you want your marriage to be; you’re not at the mercy of fate or outside forces. 

It’s easy to take each other for granted a few years into the marriage. Most couples fall into habits and routines. And then there are kids, careers, and other responsibilities. And unless you do something about it, romance diminishes, and passion fades. 

According to an article on marriage.com, here are six signs that you might be in a passionless marriage: there’s no sex or compassion, you’re too comfortable, the humor is gone, or you put no effort into your looks (the article lists 15 signs).

Marriage should be the beginning of romance and passion and not the end. Whatever you did to win your partner’s heart, keep doing those things throughout the marriage. Why would you stop?

Feeling follows action. So if you want your marriage to feel more passionate and romantic, then be more romantic and passionate.

Expressions of Love…

Notes, cards, voice messages, packed lunches, texts throughout the day, and calls in the afternoon to say I love you, holding hands, kisses, and hugs at home, are all expressions of love. 

Make your communications genuine expressions of love, not opportunities to get your spouse to do something. For example, don’t call your spouse in the middle of the day under the guise of telling them you love them when what you really want is for them to stop by the store on the way home to get stuff for your kid’s birthday party, and throw in an “I love you” at the end of the call. 

Express your love for them without any strings attached. 

Touch…

According to research, we respond well to touch. That includes hugs, holding hands, arms around the shoulders, kisses, etc. Some experts claim that we must be touched eight times daily to stay healthy. 

Enjoy the simple pleasure of touch with your spouse often. Enjoy touch outside the bedroom, too; sex is just one of the many expressions of touch.

Touch heals.

Touch nurtures. 

Touch draws a husband and wife close.

Kiss your spouse on the cheek in the morning and say, ” I love you,” before getting out of bed. 

Hug your spouse when they return from work. Hug them every chance you get! Let them know that you like them – that they are the object of your heart’s affection! Fill them up emotionally with touch; make them feel warm and happy inside.

Romantic Surprises…

People like pleasant surprises, and what could be nicer than surprising your spouse with a romantic gesture? 

Arrange for a babysitter and take your spouse to a play or special night out on the town, a romantic restaurant, or even an evening at a hotel for some much-needed alone time with candles and lingerie.

Words of Appreciation…

Challenge yourself to use words of appreciation and positive affirmation daily. 

Unfortunately, negative comments begin outnumbering positive ones after a few years of marriage. 

Once endearing habits become irritating. 

The spouses seem easily frustrated. 

Unpleasant words and comments are spoken and shared. 

According to research, it takes eight or nine positive statements to undo the damage and hurt caused by one negative statement.

Make it a habit to speak kindly and positively to your spouse with pleasant words of appreciation; when you do, the rare negative comment won’t be so devastating when it slips out.

Notice Things And Say Something…

Notice when your spouse is making an effort. When she wears a new dress, or he gets a haircut, or they wear new cologne or perfume, say something to let them know you appreciate their effort. 

Don’t Stop Dating Your Spouse…

Continue going out on dates by enjoying a special date night every couple weeks. Whether going to a restaurant, seeing a movie, or making a special dinner at home while the children are away for their own play date with friends, make an effort to keep the romance alive. 

Time alone to enjoy and celebrate each other helps keep the romance and passion alive. 

Take a Vacation!

If possible, take a trip or a vacation together without friends, family, or the kids. And even if you don’t think you can pull it off, spend some time figuring out ways to make it happen because it’ll work wonders for your marriage. 

Start small if you must. You don’t have to go for a week. A long weekend is a great start at a nice hotel to melt away stress and help you reconnect romantically with your spouse.

Intimate Conversations…

A marriage lacking romance and passion is a marriage with a lot of silence. 

Intimate conversations deepen your connection. Talk about stuff other than work, business, bills, and kids. 

Intimacy is about being vulnerable and connecting with your spouse. And connection happens when you enjoy time together and share experiences. 

Exercise, vacations, dating, hobbies, movies, plays, music, and attending a faith community are a few examples of the many things you can share and experience together that will deepen your bond of intimacy. 

Closing Thoughts…

Keeping romance and passion alive isn’t as hard as it seems. It’s quite simple, actually. Just watch your language during the day by using warm, positive words of affirmation, enjoy the healing, nurturing power of touch, set aside time for each other, and stay connected through shared experiences. Incorporating these small gestures into your relationship will keep the romance alive in your marriage.