What makes committed couples unhappy? According to a post at PsychologyToday.com, the top three are: 1) work-related issues and stress, 2) lack of sexual intimacy, either because the couple is too tired or low libido, and 3) money problems. 

Regarding the survey about relationship unhappiness referenced in the Psychology Today post, eight of the fifteen factors identified as causing marital stress related to physical intimacy. 

Read that last sentence again. Half of the factors cited for relationship unhappiness were related to a lack of physical, not emotional, intimacy. Is it safe to say that a lack of physical intimacy is a sign of disconnection?

Let’s face it, couples today are overworked, overwhelmed, and overtired. And after a while, work, parenting, money worries, and a lack of emotional and physical intimacy wreak havoc in a marriage, often leading to divorce.

Are You Happy?

How happy and satisfied are you in your marriage? Is it everything you thought it would be and hoped for?

Are you enjoying mutually satisfying physical intimacy?

Are you enjoying your happily ever after?

The last thing on your mind the day you got married was divorce. 

But as the pressures of life mount, unless you manage them productively with the health and permanency of the marriage as a goal, thoughts of ending the relationship grow in your mind until you start looking for the escape hatch.

Managing Marital Unhappiness

For a second, let’s focus on one particular word in the above paragraph: manage. What’s the one thing the top three marital problems have in common? Each one of them is manageable. You can do something about them to make your marriage happier. 

But what do most couples do? That’s right, they avoid them, hoping they’ll magically get better on their own. 

Divorce doesn’t just happen; it’s a process that results from marital decay over time. 

But there are things you can do “upstream” in the process to turn things around before the subject of divorce ever begins to take root in your mind.

Consider these tips to maintain a happy marriage that runs smoothly:

Take A “Reconnecting” Mini-Vacation

Most couples are stressed, tired, and sexless because they’re too busy!

And to make matters worse, most of the stuff they’re busy doing isn’t even important. And while they’re fatiguing themselves on the hamster wheel of life, getting nowhere fast, they’re ignoring the very thing that matters most: Their relationship – their marriage!

That has to stop.

If that sounds like you, please seriously consider taking a reconnecting mini-vacation with your spouse.

It’s time away just for the two of you. 

Why? 

Because you need time together to reconnect and rediscover each other — to rest, be in each other’s arms, talk, laugh, and dream. 

Give yourself the gift of a reconnecting mini-vacation to celebrate what’s still right with your relationship instead of lamenting all the little things wrong with it.

Take time away to rest and enjoy each other again. 

Reconnecting with your spouse will do wonders for your relationship that you can’t begin to imagine.

You’ll play and destress together, laugh, and simply “be.” 

You’ll rekindle the flames of romance and reconnect emotionally, physically, and sexually as you distance yourself from what’s straining your marriage – things like work, bills, and, yes, even the kids.

You need time alone with your spouse. And a reconnecting mini-vacation is one of the best ways to start turning things around. 

Try to go someplace private where you won’t run into friends, colleagues, or family; this time alone with your spouse is special, perhaps even sacred, because you’re protecting and nurturing your marital union. 

If you can swing it financially, perhaps a long weekend at a comfortable hotel in a relaxing environment you both enjoy would be a great start to this tradition. If money is tight, just try to get away for a couple nights alone.

Take A “Reconnecting” Week Vacation

If money is less of an issue, consider a reconnecting vacation of five or six days. Your kids, work, and bills will all still be there when you return. 

Take A “Reconnecting” Couple’s Retreat

If it’s been a while since you’ve enjoyed a meaningful connection with your spouse, consider going on a couple’s retreat together to have quality time and participate in group and private counseling sessions.

A couple’s retreat is lovely because you can work on your marriage in a peaceful, relaxing environment without any of the pressures that keep getting in the way back home. 

A couple’s retreat can stop divorce in its tracks. Plus, it’s fun.

The Gift of Reconnection

When you stop to think about it, the top three marital stressors do one thing ultimately; they cause disruption that creates relational disconnection. 

So, what’s the solution if the top three marital stressors cause disruption that disconnects? 

Reconnection. 

A healthy and happy couple connects and reconnects regularly, even daily. 

But you can restart that process by taking a reconnecting vacation, either for a long weekend or a week, or enjoying a couple’s retreat to enjoy quality time while learning how to manage the issues disrupting your relationship and disconnecting you from your spouse. 

Think about it, what greater gift can you give your marriage than the gift of reconnection, romance, and joy?