Keeping romance alive after many years of marriage is a common challenge couples face. Passion and romance don’t just happen; feelings fade, which is why you have to intentionally tend the fires of romance.

But the good news is that you’re in control of the levels of passion and romance in your marriage; you’re not at the mercy of time and fate, and unexpected circumstances.

Why Romance Fades

After years of marriage most couples fall into habits. We stop putting in the effort or start taking our spouse for granted, not to mention conflict and kids that can diminish romance.

Marriage should be the beginning of romance, not the beginning of the end.

Romance: Meeting Needs

Women and men have basic needs. Ignoring these needs diminishes romance; meeting them promotes romance. Women have a basic need to be loved and when loved they show respect to their husbands. Men have the need to be respected, and when they feel respected they will in turn show love to their spouse.

Meeting these basic needs makes keeping romance alive in marriage a little easier.

Loving Expressions

Expressions of love can take the form of notes, calls or texts in the middle of the afternoon just to say “I’m thinking of you.” These should be genuine demonstrations of love and not a sneaky way to ask your spouse to do something for you.

Loving Touch

Also, research shows that we respond well to touch; it deepens intimacy. Some experts claim that to stay healthy we need to be touched an average of 8 times a day. This includes hugs, hand holding or arms around the shoulders. Many parents experience loving touch during the day from their children, so they may overlook seeking or meeting this need with their spouse.

Touch is a powerful healer that strengthens and maintains your relationship. Just don’t limit touch to the bedroom and sex.

Make a point to hug your spouse when they return from work or when you’ve not seen them for a while, or before they leave for a meeting or trip.

Loving Surprises

Romantic surprises can do wonders to keep romance alive in your marriage. It can be in the form of special dates, small gifts, flowers, dinner at a romantic restaurant, or hotel with new lingerie.

Loving Words

Along with small gifts and surprises, remember to use words of appreciation daily. Uplift and encourage your spouse. Let them know how much you value and appreciate them.

Unfortunately, in most relationships, after a couple of years of being with someone, more negative than positive comments are spoken and shared.

Research shows that it takes eight positive statements to erase the hurt of one negative statement. When your habit is to speak positive statements, then the occasional negative one that slips out won’t be as devastating.

Loving Attention

Notice the little things like when they wear something nice for you, or get a new hair cut, or doing something to make an effort to be their best for you. By showing appreciation for what they’re doing and the effort they’re making will endear them to you and keep romance alive.

Loving Time

Another way to keep romance alive in marriage is to go on a date once a week. Even if it’s just dinner and a movie, or you making a special dinner for your spouse while the children are on a play date with their friends. Spending time together, just the two of you, maintains intimacy in the relationship.

Consider taking a vacation together without friends, family or children if possible. It doesn’t have to be long either. A weekend at a nice hotel or airbnb will melt away stress and keep you connected romantically.

Loving Life Together

Close and intimate conversations and sharing life together create intimacy. Romance is all about creating an emotional connection with another person; connection happens when you share life with each other. It can be anything from being physically active together, trips, dating, movies, plays, music; all of these things are experiences that you can share together, which will deepen your bond.

Make Romance A Priority

To keep romance alive in your marriage, you must focus on each other and make nurturing the relationship a priority. So be careful what you say and how you say it and do special things with each other during the week. Implementing some of the things we’ve mentioned here will help to increase and maintain passion and romance in your marriage.