Supporting each other through tough times is perhaps one of the most important parts of marriage. But being a supportive wife or husband doesn’t always come naturally.

It’s easy to feel helpless when your partner is  suffering and you don’t know what you can do to ease that suffering. Here are some tips to help you go from feeling helpless to being a rock for your wife or husband.

More Listening

You can support your partner by listening to them when they need to talk about what they’re going through. It helps you to understand their needs and perspective so that you can support them better.

If you spouse isn’t being all that forthcoming with information, set aside time to discuss the situation. Don’t just ambush your unsuspecting partner with questions.

Less Judgement

If the tough times your spouse is going through are the result of something they did, the last thing they need from you is judgment. Keeping your opinions on their “mistakes” to yourself is probably the kindest thing you can do in this situation. The only exception is if your partner actually asks for your opinion.

Instead of reminding your partner of their wrongs, talk about their strengths and talents. Talk about all the things they are good at and show gratitude for their contribution to the marriage.

More Team Work

Your spouse needs to know that you are teammates and you will walk together through the difficult situation. Work together to come up with a plan on how you’re going to get through it. Start by outlining what each of you will do based on your strengths and availability and don’t forget to pray for and with your partner.

Less Stress

You and your partner may have very different styles of coping with stress so respect those differences. If your spouse copes by withdrawing and avoiding stressful events, don’t be angry or make them feel guilty for not giving you attention.

It may not be the best way but you can always work on that later when you’re “out of the woods.” For the moment, refrain from pointing out what your partner is doing wrong if you want to avoid marital problems.

More Breaks

Don’t spend too much time wallowing in your problems. Take time to refuel and remind yourself that your problems are only a small part of your lives and your marriage. Pursue healthy distractions such as long walks.

All couples face tough times. What determines whether or not you will survive is how supportive you are of each other during those times. Use these tips to become a more supportive spouse and a rock for your spouse during difficult times.