Do you sometimes struggle to say what you mean to your spouse? Well, you’re not alone.

Many married people struggle with this aspect of communication in marriage. They know what they want to say but they don’t have the tools to express their views, desires, needs, and feelings clearly and completely to their spouses.

The good thing is that anyone can learn how to express themselves better and communicate more effectively.

The Best Way to Express Yourself to your Spouse

Communication in marriage is not about what you want to say but what you want your partner to hear. The “best” way to express yourself to your spouse depends how they perceive your words, tone of voice and body language. This is especially true for couples who have fundamentally different communication styles.

Expressing yourself better requires you to not only see things through your partner’s lenses but also listen carefully to their responses to see if they are hearing what you mean. If you detect a misunderstanding, clarify things in a compassionate, non-accusatory way. Instead of saying “it seems you misunderstood me”, say “it seems I wasn’t clear.”

Secondly, you have to be careful about when you choose to express yourself. A number of studies show that people are more likely to perceive things negatively when they are in a bad mood. So the best time to express yourself is when your spouse is relaxed and in a good mood.

Lastly, learn to say your piece without accusing or blaming your partner. Start your sentences with “I” instead of “you.” Negative statements that begin with the word “you” are generally perceived as attacks. They point the finger at the other person and are naturally met with a defensive attitude which only makes things worse.

Every marriage goes through periods when spouses struggle with expressing themselves. Following these marriage tips gets you one step closer to effective communication in marriage and a healthy relationship.