We all have fears and insecurities that can keep us from having the care-free marriage of our dreams. We may try to hide them from our partners but they always rear their ugly heads at the most inconvenient time. Also, hiding our insecurities often leaves us feeling trapped and keep us from achieving our marriage goals.

The most effective way of dealing with fears and insecurities in marriage is to talk about them your partner. Being vulnerable shows your partner that you trust them to be gentle with you. However, you need to make it clear that you are looking for comfort, otherwise, your spouse might feel blamed and become defensive.

Step 1: Know your fears, doubts and insecurities

What fears, doubts and insecurities do you have about your marriage? Are you afraid of being trapped in an unhappy marriage, not achieving your marriage goals or losing your partner? Before you can discuss your fears with your spouse, you need figure out what they are and name them.

Step 2: Figure out why they exist

Do your fears have anything to do with your spouse or are you projecting past hurts onto them? If your fears have more to do with an ex or a parent than wife or husband, you need to let your spouse know. Knowing that they are not being accused of any wrongdoing enables them to let their guard down and listen with empathy and understanding.

Step 3: Tell your partner

Broaching the subject of fears and insecurities to a loved one can be difficult.  You need to be careful not to catastrophize the issue and make it seem like it’s a bigger deal than it is. Therefore, you might want to avoid the “we need to talk” approach and try wondering aloud. Wondering aloud serves as an invitation to discuss a difficult topic but it is not accusatory.

Sharing fears and insecurities with a spouse helps to build trust and improve communication in marriage. Start opening up to your spouse if you want to reach your marriage goals.