Do you ever catch yourself thinking that your partner is no longer the person you married?

There is a sense of security that comes from knowing your spouse really well.  It’s easy to trust someone when you can predict how he or she will react to a situation.

However, people change and your spouse is no exception. It may be a small change like taking up a new hobby or a huge change like a change in core values. What matters is how you react to the changes.

How Big is the Change?

Small changes, such as taking up golfing, are to be expected and should not cause too many problems in the marriage. It’s also not necessary to make a big deal about them unless they really bother you. Otherwise, have a calm and respectful conversation with your spouse and find out the reasons behind the change. Maybe your spouse has always wanted to try golfing but never had the time!

Is It Stress?

Some people are different when they are stressed. They are irritable, cold and unaffectionate.

Studies have shown that stress triggers a chemical reaction in the brain that affects social skills and cognitive ability. Thankfully, stress-induced personality changes are easily rectified through better stress management.

 Have You Talked About It?

It’s important to tell your husband or wife how the change makes you feel.  Keep the conversation positive and non-accusatory by starting your sentences with “I” and not “you”.

Don’t be afraid to ask for what you want. Maybe our partner is not all that committed to this new “thing” and is happy to give it up if it bothers you. If your husband or wife is spending too much time on the new hobby and you would like more attention, be open about it.

Lastly, be the change you would like to see in your spouse. If you want your spouse to learn how to manage stress better, turn it into a team thing and work on it together.