Does your marriage feel stale and routine even though it is not necessarily an unhappy marriage? Well, you’re not alone. Many married couples love each other deeply and enjoy each other’s company but still feel that their marriages are stale. They long for the romance they had at the beginning of their relationships, when they would send each other love messages and buy each other gifts just because.

The reason why most people are carefree and romantic at the beginning of a relationship is because they haven’t known each other long enough to have built up feelings of resentment, anger and mistrust. After marriage, imperfections that were overlooked in the full bloom of love become more noticeable and “cute” habits becoming annoying. Partners become jaded and being romantic requires a lot more effort than before.

How to Recapture Romance in Your Marriage

• Look at your spouse with a fresh pair of eyes – You will never be able to experience intense romance in marriage as long as you are holding on to past baggage. One way to let go of this baggage look at your spouse with a fresh pair of eyes and remind yourself why you fell in love with him or her in the first place. Did he make your laugh? Did her smile light up the room? When you do this, you’ll realize that these qualities are still there.

• Recognize and get rid of exaggerated expectations – The fastest way to end up in an unhappy marriage is to have unrealistic or exaggerated expectations of your spouse. This is self defeating and always results in feelings of helplessness because you have absolutely no control over what your spouse does. You can’t change your partner; you can only change yourself. So accept your partner for who he or she is and replace unrealistic expectations with healthy realities.

• Take responsibility for your actions – It is important to realize that your partner is not solely to blame for the staleness and lack of romance in your marriage. You have contributed to the situation in one way or another, through your thoughts and actions. For instance, if you are constantly demanding things of your partner, start being more grateful for and to your spouse. This will influence your partner to be more giving.

If you are looking for tips on how to spice up your marriage or how to fix your marriage, don’t jump straight to romantic dinners and surprise gifts. First, lay the foundation for lasting romance in your marriage by letting go of built up resentment, unrealistic expectations and harmful habits. This way you won’t revert back to an unhappy marriage once the initial excitement of the romantic dinner or gift has worn off.