Looking for tips on how to fix a relationship? Here is one really good one; control your anger.

For as long as you are in a relationship with another flawed human being like yourself, you can expect to have relationship problems. These problems may cause you to feel upset but what matters most is how you choose to express your feelings. There are both healthy and unhealthy ways of dealing with anger.

How are you dealing with your anger?

Before you can take steps to control your anger, evaluate how you are currently dealing with it.

For example, are you the kind of guy who gets defensive when angry? Do you sometimes react to your spouse’s words or actions without taking time to clarify what they really meant only to realize later that you were mistaken?

An angry and defensive person listens with the intention to respond not to understand. This portrays blatant disregard for the opinions and actions of the other party which may cause the victim to feel hurt and belittled.

How to control your anger

Psychiatrists believe that anger is the result of cumulative events, which is why some people appear to be angrier than others. They could be holding in anger from as far back as their childhood.

Sadly, the cumulative nature of anger can be especially dangerous in a Christian marriage where spouses may be afraid to talk about their anger for fear that it is not Christian-like.

It is impossible to control anger if you do not acknowledge its existence. Acceptance is the first step to healing. Therefore, the next time you feel upset, be honest with your partner. Explain to him or her exactly how you feel and why you are angry but do not blame them for your feelings.

Instead ask your spouse to help you overcome your anger. If your spouse knows what upsets you, he or she can help you avoid such situations. He can also give you some space if you need it or go to counseling with you.

What not to say when angry

Since you cannot possibly memorize a couple of sentences to recite when you are angry, here are some tips to help you choose your words carefully.

Before saying any angry words to your partner, think of the emotions that those words will trigger in your partner.  Avoid mentioning ‘divorce’, ‘separation’ or past relationships. These tricks may help you to win the argument but they are very hurtful and their effects will come back to bite you.

Remember to leave the children out of it. Avoid referencing them during the argument.

If you follow these tips, you will find it easier to resolve the problem later on and won’t need advice on how to fix a relationship. Remember you are in control of your body and mind; so do not let anger control you.