Secrets To A Happy Marriage Part 15: Pursue Happiness
Being The Right Mate
Rabbi Barnett R. Brickner said, “Success in marriage does not come merely through finding the right mate, but through being the right mate.”
How much thought do you give to being the right kind of mate for your spouse? Do you even know what that looks like?
We spend a lot of time trying to find the “right” mate, but then after the wedding ceremony and honeymoon phases are long over, things kind of change.
Although we are convinced that we chose the right mate, things change and the romance we once enjoyed begins to fade.
With time, the mate we thought was so right for us starts to become not quite as right for us. What once was a match made in heaven can become a living hell for some.
One of the reasons this happens is because of our focus – we focus on what’s right for us. When we shift our focus to our spouse and give thought to becoming the “right” mate for our spouse, things change for the better most of the time.
Many married people, after finding the Mr. or Mrs. Right, begin to themselves go. They get kind of lazy and just sort of drift along in their marriage. They don’t make the effort to be the right kind of mate as much anymore. Nor do they make the effort to keep the fires of love and romance alive. But this is a choice. And all it takes is for you to make a new decision to turn things around.
The Beginning Not the End
Saying “I do” isn’t the conclusion of a relationship’s journey, it’s the beginning.
The key to happy marriage is deciding to always learn and grow – to always strive to be the right kind of mate for your spouse.
Want a happy marriage? Then think more about your spouse and their needs than you do about yourself and your needs. Be selfless and giving, and watch your marriage flourish.
Turning Things Around
A great way to turn things around is to pursue what makes your spouse happy. Participate in their interests – do life with them. This is also a great antidote for a boring and predictable marriage.
Here are some ideas to get you started in turning things around:
1. Embrace common interests.
There was time when you and your spouse felt 100% compatible. Well, guess what? You still are!
All it takes is taking the time to identify areas of common interest. You will find that you have more in common than uncommon. Next, start living again by starting to share some of your common interests just like you used to do.
2. Be a best friend.
How friendly are you to your spouse? Does he or she consider you to be their best friend? One of the best ways to be a best friend to your spouse is to take an interest in what interests them. The Roman poet Syrus wrote, “We are interested in others when they are interested in us.”
Find out about your spouses’ hopes and dreams. Be interested in their life. Be their friend.
3. Know what your spouse likes to do.
If I were you, I’d make a list of all of the things that my spouse likes to do recreationally; think of as many things as possible. Next, I’d circle the ones that I thought I might enjoy. Then I’d make plans with my spouse to do some of those things together.
4. Be interesting!
How interesting do you think you are to your spouse?
The longer people are married, the more dull they tend to become. We become dull when we fail to pursue what makes us happy. Remember, you are a unique person; living your life and pursuing your dreams makes you an interesting person!
Neglecting your personal dreams, hopes and pleasures will turn you into a dull, boring, lifeless mate. Keep the spark within you alive!
Resume that hobby that used to mean so much to you. Or get involved in a social cause that makes you feel alive. Or you can simply volunteer. Just do something! Start living!
Be someone whom your spouse finds interesting.
These four tips will help you to be the right mate for your spouse…and stay madly in love.