Smoldering Volcanoes
Relationships are SO much easier when you have a lot of time and very few responsibilities. But things change when the kids come along   careers take off. Gone are the luxurious care-free moments!

It seems that if your career is going great, then your marriage is suffering; if things are going great with the kids, then things probably aren’t going so well with your career; a person only has so much time, energy and attention to give before they’re spent.

The sheer-busyness of trying to manage and balance all of these important priorities can quickly eat through a couple’s emotional margin, creating great frustration, impatience, and shouting matches.

When this happens, the marriage becomes kind of like a smoldering volcano with heaps of pent up dormant energy ready to blow.

Love & Hurt
It’s sad but true that we hurt the people whom we love the most.

And since marriage is a relationship between two imperfect people, then disagreements, fights and arguments are bound to happen.

So instead of striving to avoid conflict, we work to decrease its frequency and lessen its intensity.

Respect, Understand, Compromise, Move On
Not only is marriage a relationship between two imperfect people, it’s also a relationship between two different people.

Different and imperfect are two forces that can create frequent volcanic activity in a marriage.

It’s important to keep in mind that different doesn’t mean bad or wrong.

So, we must agree to respect each other as human beings AND also our differences, seek to understand our spouse, strive to compromise, adapt, and then move on. Remember this process:

• Respect
• Understand
• Compromise
• Move on

Couples get into trouble when they engage in a heated battle for dominance. That’s something that toddlers do, not adults.

So show a little respect, demonstrate that you understand your spouse, negotiate a compromise, and then move on.

Explosive Issues
Here are some explosive issues that many couples argue about. So be proactive and follow the conflict resolution process that I just gave you: Respect, understand, compromise, move on.

1) Money. Whether money is tight or abundant, couples ALWAYS fight over how money is spent. Don’t let finances rip you apart.

2) Jealousy. To help avoid this, don’t complain about your spouse to anyone of the opposite sex, or allow yourself to be in a compromising position. Be respectful of your mate and his or her feelings.

3. Sexual intimacy and desire. Sexual frequency is one of the primary sources of conflict in marriage.

Sexual intimacy is the result of emotional intimacy. So if the sex is bad then chances are something else is, too. If you’re in a marriage with little to no sexual frequency, then please be kind to yourself and find a certified marriage counselor as soon as you can. If you don’t deal with emotional distance, then you’re at high risk for divorce.

4. In-laws. When you get married, you are on your own. You and your spouse have started a new life. And although you bring your respective histories and up-bringing into the marriage, there is no room for your in-laws to control or meddle. Your needs come first, and the final decision in every situation rests with you and your spouse. Period.

5. Household Duties. Couples need to divide the household responsibilities today, especially if both are working.

It isn’t right for one spouse to do most of the work at home. Meal preparation, cleaning, parenting responsibilities, etc, are things that should be divvied up fairly.

Everyone needs the chance to rest and enjoy life. No one should become someone else’s servant, nor should certain responsibilities be expected of the other just because of their gender. A man can do the laundry just as easily as a woman. And a woman can take the car in for maintenance just as easily as a man. So negotiate whatever is comfortable for your relationship. Respect, understand, compromise and then move on.

Nighty-Nite Volcano
If you’re proactive in dealing with issues such as these, you will resolve conflict quicker and easier. AND, you will stay madly in love instead of just being mad!