Mad About Marriage

If You're Married, Then You’re Doing One Of These Two Things Right Now

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If You're Married, Then You’re Doing One Of These Two Things Right Now

On March 20, 2013, Posted by , In All Posts, With No Comments

May I Have Your Attention Please
Couples do one of two things when facing marital challenges:

1. They focus on the bad stuff
2. Or they focus on the good stuff

One of the biggest problems I see couples in trouble making is that they choose to focus on the bad – it consumes their attention!

It doesn’t make much sense when you stop to think about it because if you’re trying to “fix” something then what works better: Focusing on the negative and all of the bad things about your marriage or focusing on the good things?

The good things.

Before you decided to marry the person you’re with right now, you chose to focus on the good stuff.

Maybe it’s time to do that again.

Here’s What You Need To Do
Intentionally take time to remind yourself of your spouse’s good traits.

Remind each other of your strengths, noble characteristics, and traits that attracted you to each other in the first place.

This shifts your focus from obsessing over the bad stuff and enables you to regain appreciation for the good stuff.

Celebrate & Appreciate
I’m not saying you should turn a blind eye to the “bad” things or avoid your marriage problems. But whether you’ve been married five years or 25 years, celebrating your strengths can give you a real boost in resolving marital conflict because you begin seeing your spouse as a friend and less of an enemy.

Remember this: We build on strengths not weakness. If you want stronger weaknesses in your marriage relationship then all you have to do is focus on the bad stuff.

If you want to strengthen your strengths, then focus on the good stuff by celebrating what’s right with your marriage instead of what’s wrong with it.

Relive Your Best Story

Spend an evening with your spouse to take a trip down memory lane. Give yourself a chance to remember the good times. Re-experience the laughter, playfulness and intimacy.

This encourages your spirit and fills your heart with hope, and you will know that although things are tough right now, better days are ahead for you and your marriage.

Say Something – Tell Them
As you’re strolling down memory lane, tell your spouse what you appreciated about them in the early days. Share what attracted you to them. Let them know what qualities you still like about them.

Chances are they’re probably pretty clear on what qualities you’re probably not so fond of. When was the last time you shared what you still like?

Relive your special memories.

You might be amazed the power this has to rejuvenate your love.

While you’re traveling down memory lane, you might remember something special you used to do together – something you did often that was fun and drew you closer.

When was the last time you did that together?

Re-engage and do some of those things again, whether it is going to the beach, picnics, scuba diving, sky diving, golfing, sunset walks, volunteering, attending concerts, seeing a movie, frequenting your favorite restaurant, or taking a get-a-way to your favorite city.

What do you have to lose by doing these things again?

Absolutely nothing.

So do them. Accept no excuses just do it! One of the reasons your marriage is in trouble is because you’ve stopped the bonding process. So get busy bonding again.

Not Everything Is Bad
You know as sure as you’re reading this that not everything about your marriage is bad.

So to convince your heart of this truth,  relive the best parts of your relationship so you can feel that love is still there. You might even find that you don’t have as many marriage problems as you think.

By reliving your strengths and the passions that first captured each others’ heart, you’re positioning yourself to work through your marriage problems very, very effectively. And you will find something else, too: Each other.

And before you know it, you and your spouse will be mad about marriage again.

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