When it comes to your relationship with your significant other, do you feel like something isn’t right? Do you ignore your feelings to keep the peace or avoid conflict within the family?

People with low self-esteem or who feel they have little self-worth are often more at risk of becoming involved in relationships that are abusive verbally, emotionally, mentally, or physically.

Sometimes the signs of an abusive marriage or relationship aren’t recognized by either partner. Sometimes partners write off the questionable behavior as moodiness or that the person is having a bad day.

The abuser’s personality is often described as high strung or difficult. And the abuser might not even feel like they’re doing anything hurtful for which to apologize.

Warning Signs

If you notice any of these warning signs, start taking steps to protect yourself physically, mentally, or emotionally; keep the well-being of any children in mind too.

Criticism of Physical Appearance
This abuse is subtle. It begins with innocent, harmless “suggestions” but can become demanding, often ending in ridicule. This form of abuse escalates over time to the point of degrading your physical appearance. It’s a sign of disrespect and dishonor that leads to other forms of abuse.

A History of Family Abuse

Have you heard it said that the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree? It’s often true. Too many times, people get involved in relationships before getting to know the family. While it’s not always the case, patterns of abuse are often handed down from generation to generation within families.

Take time to get to know your partner’s family for a glimpse at what a future with them might look like.

Abuse is a deep, dark secret that’s usually kept hidden from people outside the family. However, alcohol or drug abuse, sexual abuse, physical abuse, and mental, emotional, or verbal abuse usually leave signs and scars behind for years to come that an observant person can recognize.

Ask your partner about their parents: What are their personalities, how do they resolve conflict, does one parent always give in, how did they discipline the children? The answers to these questions might reveal important clues.

Anger

Watch for anger, too. Usually, violent people can’t let go of their anger; they have a deep need to control their environment.

Also, they have unreasonable rules that can shift instantly. For instance, the abuser may have a rule about certain behaviors in the home, but the rule can change instantly if the change allows them to release their anger on the person being abused.

If the person you’re dating or married to has trouble managing their anger, don’t overlook their behavior. Don’t stick your head in the sand by saying they had a hard day, are high-strung, or were so sorry about it later and promised never to do it again. There can be dangerous consequences to continuing this kind of relationship.

Other Warning Signs:

Does your partner: Destroy your personal belongings? Touch you in ways that hurt or scare you? Do they forbid you from seeking medical attention? Do they make you feel humiliated? Dominate or control your behavior? Threaten you with violence? Or isolate you from friends and family? Do they control your money?

If you answer yes to any of these questions, you’re in an abusive marriage or relationship.

What if your partner: Checks up on you a lot? Listens in on your phone calls or constantly asks where you were? Do they put you down? Do they call you names, criticize you, or humiliate you privately or publicly? Do they justify their jealously as a sign of their love for you? Or do they threaten the people, family, or pets you love?

If you answer yes to any of these questions, you’re in an abusive marriage or relationship.

The emotional scars from mental, physical, emotional, or verbal abuse last a lifetime. If you feel you might be in an abusive relationship, listen to your gut. Watch for the signs. And do whatever it takes to remove yourself and your loved ones from this dangerous situation before it’s too late.