Happily Ever After?
Divorce is a part of life; happily ever after is indeed just a fairytale for many couples.
People end their marriages for many different reasons, some of which weren’t foreseen until after the marriage, while others could’ve been detected before the words “I do” were ever uttered. So, how can you put the odds in your favor and know you’ve met Mr. or Mrs. Right before you march down the aisle?
Be Aware of Some Common Blinders
The blinder of infatuation
Infatuation, those strong passionate feelings at the beginning of a relationship that make you want to spend every waking minute with your partner, can blind rational thinking.
The blinder of people’s expectations
Another thing that blinds rational thinking is when you’ve been together for so long that people can’t imagine you NOT being a couple anymore, making you become overly concerned with what they will think if you ended the relationship.
The blinder of the fairy tale fantasy
And then there’s the burning wish to live the fairy tale that causes us to gloss over clues, red flags, and warning signs.
Dealing with the common blinders
Step back and look at the big picture…
Love goes through a cycle. The infatuation that’s felt in the beginning of a relationship is often mistaken for love. The butterflies, giddiness, and incessant desire to be with your partner must be based on something more than feeling. To get through the challenging years ahead, a couple needs enduring love – the kind of love that’s loyal no matter what, even when it doesn’t feel like sticking around.
Love is a decision. Infatuation is a chemical attraction that brings people together so they can get to know each other. Infatuation shouldn’t be mistaken for love or fool you into thinking that you’re perfectly matched.
Infatuation is a feeling. True love is a decision – it’s a choice that we make after knowing the other persons faults, shortcomings, and warts.
It’s about what you want, not what they expect…
Stepping back to deal with common blinders also includes acknowledging that your relationship doesn’t exist to please mom or dad even if they love your partner more than you do! They’re not marring them, you are! The decision to continue or end the relationship before it reaches the point of holy matrimony is yours because you’re the one who must live with the results and consequences of that decision.
Remember Cinderella? She had to live with her stepmother after her father died, a woman he chose. You know how it ends. Her prince charming rescues her from a life of drudgery and pain with her step family.
Somewhere deep in their heart almost every person dreams of the fairy tale – to be rescued, cared for and cared about for the rest of their life.
Guess what? Life doesn’t usually happen that way! We’re responsible for making the best choices possible that bring success, contentment, joy and happiness. We have the God given gift of free will and it’s up to us to use it wisely.
Marriage is work; the fairy tale doesn’t just happen, it’s created through a great deal of effort, work, patience, compromise, understanding and grace. The real work begins after the honeymoon. So don’t fall into the trap of thinking “I do” is the perfect beginning to guaranteed bliss.
And while you’re stepping back to take an objective look at your relationship, look for signs that the person you’re pouring your life into is worth your time and effort.
Lastly, choose to see yourself as worthy, attractive, desirable, and intelligent; you bring a lot to the table. When you see yourself in this light, you tend to attract the same qualities in your potential mate, which puts the odds in your favor.
Happily ever after does and can happen, it just might look like a little bit different than you thought, and take a whole lot more work than you expected.