Let’s talk about something most couples face but few openly discuss: incompatibility.

How incompatible are you and your spouse?
And more importantly, how does that incompatibility show up in your relationship?

For some couples, it’s wildly different communication styles. For others, it’s mismatched energy levels, clashing parenting philosophies, or opposite social needs. Maybe you’re the planner, and your spouse flies by the seat of their pants. Or you recharge with alone time while they want constant connection.

Sound familiar?

Now, here’s the real question: How painful is that incompatibility?

For many couples, the answer is: very. So painful, in fact, that it leads to talk of separation or divorce. The most common reason cited? “Irreconcilable differences.” Which is really just another way of saying: We didn’t know how to deal with our incompatibilities.

But here’s the twist:
Incompatibility itself isn’t the real issue.
It’s how we respond to it that makes or breaks a marriage.

Some couples go to war—fighting the same fight over and over.
Others retreat into silence or denial, hoping things will magically get better.
And then there are those who roll up their sleeves and start doing the work.

And yes, it is work.
It’s uncomfortable, vulnerable, and sometimes messy.
But it’s also the path to real connection.

Leo Tolstoy once said, “What counts in making a happy marriage is not so much how compatible you are, but how you deal with incompatibility.” And we couldn’t agree more.

If you’ve noticed that you and your spouse feel more distant, more “different” than you used to… take heart.
You’re not alone.
And you’re not doomed.

Because guess what?
Every marriage has problems. Every relationship has conflict.
(And if you don’t think so… you might be in the middle of one right now and just not aware of it yet.)

So here’s your marriage tip for the week:

Don’t panic over your incompatibilities. And certainly don’t assume they’re a sign you’re with the wrong person.

Instead, get curious.
Put everything on the table.
Talk about it — even (especially!) if it’s uncomfortable.
And if the situation feels too heavy to handle on your own, bring in a counselor to help guide the process.

You might be surprised at how much healing can happen just by clearing up old misunderstandings or revisiting a moment that was never fully resolved.

Because here’s the truth:
The past does not define your future.
A happy, healthy marriage is possible, even when you and your spouse are wildly different.

It all starts with your willingness to face the hard stuff together.