That’s right. I said stop fighting fair.

We’ve all heard the classic advice: “If you want a healthy relationship, you need to fight fair.”

But what if fighting fair is actually keeping couples stuck in cycles of conflict, resentment, and emotional distance?

Let’s take a closer look.

What Does “Fighting Fair” Really Mean?

For a lot of people, “fighting fair” means treating you how you treat me.

• If you give me the cold shoulder, it’s only fair that I shut down too.
• If you’re emotionally distant, it’s only fair that I pull away.
• If you speak sharply to me, I respond with a sarcastic jab of my own.
• If you insult me or bring up something hurtful, I toss something back your way.

Sound familiar?

This is how most couples “fight fair.” But let’s be honest:  it’s really just a polite way of keeping score.

And keeping score is a recipe for slowly tearing a marriage apart.

Want a Great Marriage? Take the Higher Road

If you want an extraordinary marriage, not just one that survives, but one that flourishes, then it’s time to stop fighting fair.

Here’s a better way:

• If you want more love in your marriage, be more loving.
• If you want more forgiveness, start by forgiving.
• If you want your home to feel safe, kind, and warm, then choose kindness and warmth — even when your spouse isn’t.

I know, that’s not “fair.”

But love isn’t about fairness. It’s about grace, compassion, and intentional effort.

The Power of One Person’s Decision

You might be thinking, “Why should I have to go first?”
But sometimes, one person’s choice to rise above the conflict changes everything.

By taking the high road…by refusing to retaliate, refusing to mirror coldness, choosing instead to model love, patience, and grace…you begin to shift the atmosphere of your relationship.

You create space for something new to take root: safety, trust, and connection.

Choose the Relationship You Want

So here’s the challenge:
Decide today to stop fighting fair.

Refuse to keep score.

Be the kind of spouse you wish your partner would be.And watch how that consistent choice begins to transform your marriage, helping you rebuild the kind of relationship where you can fall in love all over again.