Leo Tolstoy once said:

“What counts in making a happy marriage is not so much how compatible you are, but how you deal with incompatibility.”

Not exactly the kind of quote you put on a heart-shaped card—but it is the kind that keeps a marriage alive.

So here’s a fair question:

How do you deal with incompatibility in your marriage?

When conflict shows up, do you:

• Slip into silent mode and hope the problem magically disappears?
• Erupt like Mount St. Helens, spewing molten anger and verbal ash?
• Or sink into a defeated shrug, deciding it just isn’t worth the effort?

If any of those sound familiar, relax—you’re not broken. You’re human.

And here’s the good news:

Your past responses don’t have to define your future.

Your marriage is good enough to save.
And you have what it takes to deal with incompatibilities constructively and productively—even the ones that seem to show up on repeat.

Let’s clear something up once and for all:

There is no perfect marriage because there are no perfect people.

Every marriage has conflict.
Every marriage has differences.
Every marriage takes work to stay healthy, happy, and strong.

That’s not a flaw in the system—that is the system.

The goal isn’t to eliminate incompatibility. The goal is to learn how to deal with it well.

So don’t fret about your differences—and definitely don’t throw your marriage away because of them.

Instead, lean in. Talk it through. Get help if you need it. Choose growth over avoidance.

A Valentine’s Day Challenge

This Valentine’s Day, love doesn’t have to look like perfection—it can look like intentional effort.

So here’s your challenge:
Have one honest conversation you’ve been avoiding.
Listen without defending.
Choose understanding over winning.

Because learning to deal with incompatibility isn’t a sign your marriage is failing—it’s the pathway to a happy, fulfilling, and resilient marriage.

And that just might be the most meaningful Valentine’s gift you can give.