A marriage without intimacy is a cold and lonely place. Some may even say it’s a place of misery; a prison.

Both partners must work to maintain satisfying and meaningful levels of intimacy and do whatever it takes to restore it when it’s fading or lost.

To keep the fires of intimacy kindled, show each other respect, keep your word and always be honest, and share your thoughts and feelings; don’t sweep things under the rug or keep things bottled up.

Certain things we do create and sustain intimacy; others kill intimacy. 

Intimacy Giver:

1. Respect each other, and show one another dignity.
2. Treat each other with genuine care and compassion.
3. Don’t throw jabs or ridicule your partner.
4. Don’t speak condescendingly or use disrespectful language.

And always present your partner in the best light when speaking of them. And this should go without saying, but never hurt each other physically OR harm each other emotionally through verbal abusiveness. 

Intimacy Killer:

Being condescending and looking down on уоur partner harms their self-image and erodes trust. Your partner will pull away.

Interrupting each other or shouting and hurling insults is disrespectful and kills intimacy. It’s hard, if not impossible, to be intimate with someone who is always angry or can’t control their emotions when hurt or offended. 

Intimacy Giver:

Enjoying physical affection and sex аѕ а celebration оf your love or good quality time that only a husband and wife should know with each other or to feel or express emotional closeness. Put your other partner first and satisfy them in only ways you can. Look into their eyes. Cherish them. Enjoy the physical, emotional, and spiritual bond you alone share with each other and with no one else on the face of the earth. 

Intimacy Killer:

Having sex to fulfill your marital obligation, going through the motions and letting it become routine and monotonous, having physical or emotional intimacy with someone other than your spouse, or purposely denying sex аѕ а means оf punishment оr as a form of manipulation to get what you want.

Your spouse shouldn’t have to beg for sex, nor should sex be forced, demanded, or stubbornly or reluctantly given. Sex should be a source of joy and pleasure for both partners. Eliminating outside sexual stimulation will enhance sex intimacy with your spouse. Remember, sex shouldn’t be used as a bargaining chip or to manipulate your partner. Work through your disagreements to restore physical and emotional intimacy so sex isn’t denied within your marriage. 

Intimacy Giver:

Finding new ways to show your partner that you love them, like an unexpected hug or small gift, or аn “I love you text” with a heart emoji; or a kind act of service that lightens their load to make life a little easier, planning a special date night or an unexpected long weekend adventure, these are some ways to demonstrate your love to your spouse. Also, learn your partner’s love language and show your love in their language for them to feel the depth of your affection. Love your spouse in their favorite way of being and receiving love. 

Intimacy Killer:

Demonstrating your love in only one way or only your love language. Or ignoring when уоur partner lets you know they need to feel your love in a certain way or need a little reassurance because they feel neglected. You might not be neglecting them at all, but if you’ve only been showing your love in a way that feels loving to you and not to them because it’s a demonstration of your love language, not theirs, they might feel neglected even though you’ve not been ignoring them. If you’re unsure how to meet your partner’s needs and make them feel loved, ask them because they’re the expert on “them.” Don’t let your ego get in the way; it’s about them, not you.

Intimacy Giver:

Love that inspires, encourages, forgives, and gives. 

Intimacy Killer:

Love that demands, takes, holds grudges, and withdraws. 

Intimacy Giver:

Forgiving quickly and freely! Discuss significant issues to clear up misunderstandings, then forgive and let go; reestablish and protect intimacy. When you feel hurt, and you will, chances are your partner didn’t do it intentionally; they love you. 

Intimacy Killer:

Keeping score and holding grudges! Furthermore, expecting уоur partner to read уоur mind and then demand an apology when they get it “wrong.” You’re not in the sixth grade anymore; it was excusable back then, but not now that you’re an adult and have been given the privilege by an amazing human being to share life with them. Holding grudges leads to one or both of you withdrawing, shutting down, triggering arguments, and becoming defensive. Grudges kill intimacy and marriage.

Taking these intimacy givers and killers to heart can breathe new life into your relationship. Wouldn’t it be nice to hear these words from your spouse: “I love how you love me!” You can! 

Most couples desire more emotional and physical intimacy in their marriage; they want to feel connected. The Bible describes it as becoming “one flesh.” That’s the power of intimacy. It makes your marriage healthy, happy, and so satisfying that you and your spouse only look to each other to meet your deepest emotional and physical needs. 

Fall in love with how you love each other.