10 Ways To Ruin Your Marriage
Here’s a list of ten things that will ruin your marriage. They might not cause damage immediately, but each one is a cause set in motion that will eventually harm your relationship.
If any of these ten behaviors are present in your marriage, take action to right the ship before it’s too late.
Ten Ways To Ruin Your Marriage
1. Won’t Communicate
Not communicating is one of the surest ways to ruin your relationship because it leads to making assumptions and jumping to conclusions.
You must talk to each other.
Share your feelings, opinions, thoughts, values, preferences, likes, hopes, dislikes, fears, and dreams.
You and your spouse should know each other better than anyone else. Open and honest communication is critical.
A couple that won’t communicate is a couple that isn’t growing. And if you’re not growing, you’re dying.
Focusing on yourself, your needs, your dreams, your issues, your desires, and your __ (fill in the blank) is a highway to relational unhappiness.
Marriage isn’t just about you and what you want or don’t want. The day you married your spouse, you went from “me” to “us.”
How much do you really care about your spouse’s needs and wants and how they feel?
If you’re not really clear about what they need or want, ask them. And then do your best to satisfy their needs and wants.
3. Be Unforgiving
Harboring hurt and anger leads to bitterness.
Holding grudges kills marriage.
Work to heal your hurts.
Replace anger with forgiveness.
You have the power to restore your relationship. Don’t let unresolved hurts fester and put emotional distance between you; work with your partner to resolve your issues.
4. Be unfaithful physically or emotionally
We live in an age where anything and everything goes. In fact, well-known couples discuss their “open” relationships publicly.
Physical and emotional intimacy are to remain within the sacred covenant of marriage.
It should go without saying that you shouldn’t cheat on your spouse by having sex with another person.
You shouldn’t become emotionally involved or entangled with someone else, either; that’s cheating.
Suggestive touching, flirting, intimate kissing, and emotional intimacy are inappropriate outside of marriage.
If you’re doing something with someone else you feel you have to hide or know your spouse wouldn’t like, it’s cheating and needs to stop.
5. Spending every waking moment together
You need to spend quality and quantity time together for a healthy marriage.
But you have a life, and so does your spouse. You both should have hobbies and interests, passions and friends that you pursue individually.
Sometimes all you need is a little time to yourself to relax for your soul to breathe.
Although in marriage, “two” become “one,” losing your identity in the other person is toxic and unhealthy.
6. Being stubborn
In a healthy marriage, there’s give and take.
Want to ruin your relationship? Always demand to get your own way and refuse to compromise.
Done. Marriage over. At least a happy one.
You should feel safe and comfortable sharing what you feel like doing or don’t feel like doing. But no one should have to give in all the time; it’s not right or fair.
7. Ruin the finances
Irresponsible spending and instant gratification cause major financial problems and create uncertainty and distrust.
Communicate about finances regularly.
Discuss spending habits, saving plans, retirement planning, and financial goals.
Have open conversations about money frequently instead of waiting until there’s a problem. Money problems are a common source of conflict and arguments in marriage.
Also, make major financial decisions together. Next, define what “major” means. For some couples, anything more than $500 is major, unless you’re bringing home well over six figures annually, have an emergency fund, a healthy savings account, and no debt.
A spirit of compromise and collaboration goes a long way in resolving money issues in a marriage.
8. Sexless marriage
Barring any medical conditions, physical and sexual intimacy are essential to a satisfying and happy marriage.
Sex with each other should be a regular and mutually satisfying (and looked forward to) occurrence.
A lack of sex in your marriage is a warning sign. Don’t ignore it. It won’t get better on its own.
If you’re avoiding physical intimacy regularly, identify why. Maybe it’s a simple misunderstanding, an assumption, or interest has waned because your partner needs to strengthen their bedroom skills.
It’s hard to enjoy physical intimacy when emotional intimacy is lacking. Generally, it’s thought that women seek emotional intimacy as a precursor to sex, whereas men seek sexual intimacy as a precursor to emotional intimacy.
Either way, emotional and physical intimacy are pillars of a happy, satisfying marriage.
When spouses cheat emotionally or physically, it’s usually because of an ongoing unmet need within the relationship; infidelity results from deeper underlying issues.
9. Extreme jealousy
Feelings of insecurity and fears of abandonment fuel jealousy.
Everyone struggles with the occasional bout of insecurity. But an extremely insecure spouse lives in fear that their partner will fool around or run off with someone else.
We live in a society that is becoming increasingly bold. People will flirt or hit on your spouse right in front of you.
But guess what? Your spouse chose you! They married you! And they’ll be sleeping with you tonight.
Be confident knowing that they’re going home with you.
Confidence is sexy; trust is attractive. Demonstrate both to your spouse.
Give your spouse the benefit of the doubt unless you have reasonable suspicion. And just because you feel insecure and question whether you’re good enough for your partner isn’t enough reason to suspect they’re being inappropriate with someone else.
10. Fall for someone else
If you’re investing energy and effort into your marriage to make it healthy and happy, if you’re the absolute best partner you can possibly be and are marketing yourself to your spouse every day, why would they ever consider falling for someone else?
But as time passes, spouses start taking each other for granted. They stop “trying.” They let themselves go. They allow the relationship to become dull; routine. Predictable.
The excitement fades.
You always hear people talking about wanting to rekindle their marriage. Why let it reach the point where things needs to be “rekindled?” Why not keep it “kindled” in the first place?
When a marriage becomes dull, boring, and predictable, or when spouses feel unappreciated and/or taken for granted, it can be tempting to look for excitement outside the marriage.
Feeling wanted and desired by someone other than your spouse paves the way for your to fall for them.
Falling for someone is different than a one-night stand; both are cheating.
A one-night stand is more about lust. But falling for someone involves a relationship. Both are wrong and can be avoided. People who’ve crossed those lines say that the grass is rarely, if ever, greener on the other side.
Marriage isn’t perfect. And there will be times when it gets a little too comfortable. But even during those times, take charge of your emotions and urges.
Remove yourself from compromising situations to avoid making a decision you regret.
Remember why you chose to share your life with your spouse. Trust your choice. Choose to believe you can give each other more of what you want better than any other person.
“The other person” might entice you because of the exciting feelings they ignite. But you don’t know them. And even if they’re ready to offer one or two things you crave that are currently lacking in your marriage, why give up six or seven good things you already have for one or two things you want in the moment?
Work on you.
Work on your marriage.
You can have everything you want and more and have it with your spouse IF you’re both willing to put in the work.
Of this list of ten marriage killers, are any in your marriage?
If so, finding a good marriage counselor to start a dialogue with your spouse would be a great step to take immediately.
Communication will help you navigate these marital landmines.
You won’t have the “perfect” marriage, but that’s okay because there’s no such thing. But what you can have is the perfect marriage for you.