Focus On What’s Working
Complaining and negativity can ruin a happy marriage. This is because being married to a complainer is extremely frustrating and emotionally draining. It is very hard to stay positive when your partner is constantly focusing on the negative. It is also difficult to resolve relationship issues when the other person refuses to move on and prefers to keep bringing up the same issues over and over again.
How Complaining Hurts your Marriage
Complaining rarely has a positive effect on marriage, regardless of whether or not the complaints are valid. This is because:
- Complaints sound a lot like criticism – When one spouse complains, the spouse on the receiving end feels criticized or personally attacked. This causes him or her to quit listening to the content of the complaints and become defensive. It can also affect their self esteem.
- Complaints are counterproductive – Most people use complaints to draw attention to issues that needs to be addressed. Unfortunately, complaints almost always end up escalating the situation. This is because defensive spouses do not make the best communicators or problem solvers.
- Complaints are Unattractive – Complaining is not an attractive quality. It sucks the fun out of life and makes the complainer look unattractive. There’s nothing sexy about someone who finds fault with everything. In fact, it is extremely difficult to relax, enjoy the moment or have a happy marriage with such a person.
How to Stop Complaining
Someone who complains a lot is probably not going to wake up one morning a changed person. It takes a lot of work to go from being a negative person to a positive one. However, it can be done by following a couple of marriage tips.
- Choose Gratitude – Choosing gratitude is probably the easiest way to stop complaining. If you choose to focus on all your incredible blessings, you’ll find it harder to complain.
- Focus on the big picture – All the little things you complain about probably don’t mean much in the grand scheme of things. Therefore, if you focus on the big picture, you may not feel the need to complain as much.
- Communicate better – Complaining is one way to communicate your concerns but it is not the best way. You need to learn how to talk and listen in a non-judgmental manner so that you can have conversations where you both come away feeling better. You may need counseling to get better at communication in relationships so don’t hesitate to ask for help.
If you want to laugh your way to a better marriage, stop complaining. Complaining doesn’t really resolve anything and it can even hurt your chances of a happy marriage.