Do you enjoy talking to your spouse? Do you just talk about superficial, small-talk stuff like what’s the weather or work, or do you also share your hopes, dreams, feelings and fears?

Opening your heart to your spouse in loving conversation requires vulnerability, which is obviously not easy. Here are some tips to get you and your spouse talking about stuff that really matters.

To start, you need to create a comfortable emotional environment so that you both know it’s safe to be vulnerable and share your fears, hopes and insecurities.

Open-ended questions

One of the easiest ways to get someone talking is to ask them a question. But it needs to be an open-ended question – one to which they cannot give a simple yes or no. Ask a question that draws them out.

Sincerity

Your spouse will sense how interested you really are in them. So I’d suggest you stop what you’re doing, set down your smart phone or tablet, give your spouse your full attention, look them in the eyes and ask your question. Let your tone of voice and body language convey that your spouse is important to you and that you really care about what’s happening in their life.

Invite your spouse to share

If you want to know how your spouse feels about something then ask them how they feel. Invite them to share their thoughts on a certain matter. Ask a deep question to get a deep answer.

Timing

Your spouse might not feel like talking right now; that’s okay. Just relax and let it go for a while. Give them some space – some breathing room; be patient. Either they will bring it up later, or you can. Wait for your “conversational window.”

Don’t Interrupt

Few things will kill a conversation faster than someone constantly interrupting or cutting the other person off. You will have better conversations when you give your spouse time to finish their thoughts.

Whatever you do, please don’t finish their sentence for them because this makes them feel that you’re anxious for the conversation to be over or that they are boring you.

One last thing, don’t correct your spouse – especially their grammar.

Just let them talk. Embrace the moment and go with the flow.

Listen

To enjoy more fulfilling and productive conversations with your spouse, you must listen – and you must demonstrate that you are understanding what they are saying.

Listen intently to what they are saying. And every once-in-a-while, summarize what you think you’re hearing them say. This gives them the impression that what they’re saying is important to you AND that they are being heard; everyone wants to be heard.

This is called active listening, and it helps to create a safe environment for deep and meaningful conversation to take place. Use your ears and heart to validate your spouse and also to validate what’s important to them.

These six steps won’t solve all of your communication challenges but they will help you and your spouse begin to enjoy much more meaningful discussions.

Following these six steps equips you to lighten your spouses’ emotional burdens. But this will happen only IF they see that you are trying to understand what they’re talking about and that you genuinely care.

Start practicing one or all six of these steps to be madly in love today.