No matter how much you love your partner or how happily married you are, there are bound to be some things annoy you about them. May be they chew loudly, leave dirty clothes on the floor or make goofy jokes that you don’t think are funny.

It’s tempting to ignore these pet peeves and just sweep them under the rug. After all, it seems a bit petty to be bothered by small things.

However, the truth has a way of coming out. You may think you’re hiding your annoyance and irritation well but your partner can probably tell that something up.

The last thing you want is to explode and use these pet peeves as missiles during an argument. This is a lot more harmful to your marriage than having a calm conversation with your husband or wife about these annoying habits.

Understand Why You’re Annoyed

Believe it or not, your annoyance has little to do with your partner; it’s more about your own self-judgment. The real reason why you’re irritated is because your partner is not living up to the standard that you hold yourself to.

This is why you’ll often find yourself thinking, “I would never do that. Why would he or she?” What you’re essentially doing is projecting your own self-judgment onto your partner.

This is not a problem if your standards are reasonable. However, if you’re insecure about your own quirks, you’ll be intolerant of your spouse’s mistakes. Understanding why you’re irritated and whether your spouse’s actions warrant such a reaction will help you determine your next step.

Share your Pet Peeves

If your partner knew that those things bother you, he or she would probably stop doing them. However, it’s up to you to let them know that it’s important to you.

When you’re sharing your pet peeves with your partner, it’s important to be objective and focus on the issue at hand. This means that you can’t use statements such as “you always do this.” Instead, bring up a specific and recent instance when your spouse did something that you don’t like.

Be sure to have a potential solution in mind. If possible, think of a relevant situation where your spouse did the right thing and let them know that you prefer that.

Finally, acknowledge your spouse’s efforts to change and offer positive reinforcement. Remember, you can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar.