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Marriage: All You Need Is Love…Really?

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Marriage: All You Need Is Love…Really?

On December 8, 2011, Posted by , In All Posts,Happy Marriage, With Comments Off on Marriage: All You Need Is Love…Really?

Pop quiz (okay…more like a trick question) – Do you think a marriage can succeed on love alone?

Bombshell: A marriage cannot survive on love alone (at least not on what seems to be today’s definition of love – which is usually some kind of fairy tale, sweep me off my feet and live happily ever after fantasy).

That lovey-dovey feeling that happens during dating and continues into the honeymoon stage of marriage, is bound to fade. And once it fades, all that is left is two people (who are likely very different) who have a long journey ahead of them.

Unfortunately, when “love” fades, the relationship’s character also changes, and so does the marriage.

This change may occur in several ways. For example, once the initial “love” phase is over, both spouses may begin to regret the marriage and consider ending it at the right time (Kim Kardashian?).

Alternatively, the couple may continue to live together out of a sense of obligation without even an ounce of intimacy in their relationship. When this happens, it is only a matter of time before one spouse decides to have an emotional or even sexual affair, and then the marriage is over.

Ideally, both spouses are expected (and vowed) to care for one another throughout their marriage despite the passing of the honeymoon phase. (The keyword in that sentence was “care.”)

A few decades back, divorce and infidelity rates were much lower because most couples actually cared for one another.

Though they called it love, it was essentially care — a kind of love that was both a decision and a feeling deeply anchored in commitment.

If you can learn how to care for your spouse, your relationship could last forever or at least until death do you part.  But unfortunately, it seems that so many spouses today aren’t accustomed to this care-centered thought process.

In fact, many people tend to think they made a mistake, or feel that they aren’t happy or fulfilled, or decide that they need their freedom.

This causes them to start looking for somebody better than their spouse, which often leads to a break up. This kind of thought process is “I” centered.

If you want to have a happy marriage, you need to learn how to respect and care for your spouse. So, be prepared to set aside your selfish desires for a better marriage because it takes more than “love”(or at least what seems to be today’s version of “love”) for a happy and lasting marriage.

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