What is marriage abuse?  And what do abusive relationships look like?

Abusive Marriage Behaviors

Marriage abuse and abusive relationships take many forms.  The abuse can be physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, or sexual.

Marriage abuse involves a spectrum of behaviors. It can range from degrading and sarcastic remarks to cruel jokes, economic exploitation, punches, slaps and kicks, false imprisonment, sexual abuse, suffocating actions, maiming assaults, and, in some cases, even homicide.

As scary as those things are, here’s an even scarier thought: If you don’t deal with abusive behaviors, then they will most likely increase  in frequency and severity.

Marriage abuse is something that absolutely must be dealt with. It’s not just going to go away. Abusive relationships don’t heal themselves on their own. So if you’re in an abusive marriage, then realize right now that this is something that you must face and deal with.

It’s also common for victims to suffer from all forms of marriage abuse and not just one. Every aspect of their being is assaulted and belittled.

Some of the most common behaviors found within abusive relationships are verbal and emotional abuse. You might think these abuses are less hurtful and dangerous but you would be wrong. So don’t be tempted to look the other way. Although they are certainly less visible than physical harm, they are still deeply destructive to victims.

In fact, many have said that the emotional wounds and scars they bear from marriage abuse took much longer to heal than any physical bruises or broken bones.

To make matters worse, victims in abusive relationships often feel guilty because they think that they triggered the marriage abuse in some way.  So they tend to make excuses for the abusive spouse and cover it up.

However, and please listen to me very carefully right now, marriage abuse is never the fault of the victim.  Realize and accept the fact that it is not your fault. You didn’t cross the line, your abuser did.

Abusers choose to cross the line.  And their behavior is often tied to a desire to control, and to feelings of self-hatred. If you are the victim, then know that the marriage abuse that you are suffering isn’t your fault – it’s not something that you triggered or are are triggering. And you most certainly do not deserve it!

Her are some facts about abuse:

• One in four women will know domestic violence in her lifetime

• Domestic violence is the leading predictor of child abuse

• Boys who witness domestic violence in their homes are far more likely to perpetrate abuse later in life

• Fifty percent of girls growing up in an abusive home will go on to be victims of abuse themselves

• Abuse tends to escalate in intensity and frequency unless the cycle is broken

What are some practical things you can do if you are in an abusive relationship and suffering from marriage abuse?

Marriage abuse tip #1: It’s important for both the victim and the abuser to admit that they have an abusive marriage.

This isn’t easy for either party to do, but it must happen if the abuse is to stop. Both parties must realize that abusers are not necessarily bad people but they are broken people.

Marriage abuse tip #2: Victims must understand that the abuse is not their fault.

Victims must know and realize that they are not triggering the marriage abuse, and they don’t deserve what is happening to them. Before they can heal and help their spouse, they must know that the abusive relationships isn’t their fault.

Marriage abuse tip #3: Victims must seek help.

They can call the National Domestic Violence Hotline (1-800-799-SAFE {7233}). And having a developing a safety plan is essential. It can be in the form of seeking help from friends or family outside of your home.  An effective safety plan will include a place to go and money set aside so you will have options.  But also, realize that domestic violence is a crime.  The police can help you protect yourself and your children from harm.

The truth is, you are not alone.  Resources exist for victims of domestic violence.  You simply do not have to live this way! So decide right now that you will no longer be the victim of marriage abuse.